Someone who did know about the alluring Kardashian sisters remarked on learning the truth "I thought that Kardashian was brand of carpet." "No," I responded. "But they’re easier to lay." … The airports have lanes at the gates for "Passengers with special needs". I just couldn't convince representatives from Continental that I have a special need for long vacations with free air fare.

Actress Betty White’s career has become so hot again she’s going to be the centerfold in next month’s AARP magazine. … After sitting through yet another voicemail instruction, I wondered “Is there a anybody whose options haven’t changed?” …

After the doctor said that the MRI showed deterioration of one knee, I've started humming that old favorite, "All I want for Christmas is a new right knee, a new right knee." Actually, I’m just waiting for my adult knee to grow in. I’m putting the old one under my pillow for the knee fairy. He ought to command a bigger payoff than the tooth fairy. I've always had a trick knee, but it's learned a new trick and that's not being able to straighten out when I kneel.

Listening to a radio broadcast of the Los Angeles Opera's first-ever performance of Richard Wagner’s four-opera ring cycle, revealed there have been some modernizations. That includes an addition to "Siegfried" called "Siegfried & Roy" in which Roy sings that stirring theme "Oje! Meine Grosse Katze Hat Meinen Arm Gefressen." ("Alas, my big cat has eaten my arm"). Not surprisingly, this has led to an alternate saying about music that "It’s not over until the fat cat eats." Read more...