The doctor told me that technical term for my problems with my right knee "It's shot." He also said I'm probably a good candidate for a knee replacement. And I said, let's begin now, "Fellow Americans if elected I promise a patella in every garage and a meniscus in every pot." Actually, when somebody asked me where I stood on the issues I replied, "very carefully. If nominated, I will not run. Heck, I can't run." ... I'm going to start the new Knee Party whose goal is flexibility and stability (mine) and financial conservatism (not spending alot to fix it). Read more...

Someone who did know about the alluring Kardashian sisters remarked on learning the truth "I thought that Kardashian was brand of carpet." "No," I responded. "But they’re easier to lay." … The airports have lanes at the gates for "Passengers with special needs". I just couldn't convince representatives from Continental that I have a special need for long vacations with free air fare.

Actress Betty White’s career has become so hot again she’s going to be the centerfold in next month’s AARP magazine. … After sitting through yet another voicemail instruction, I wondered “Is there a anybody whose options haven’t changed?” …