After I tripped and was lying on the ground, a passerby said, “Do you need help?” “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” I replied. “Actually I could. I just don’t want to. I think I’ll lie here for a few hours.” ... The worst idea by an inventor? A defibrillator that is operated via the clapper. "Clap off ... Oh, I'm so sorry." Read more...

And in sad news, two of the original My Little Ponies had to be put down after veterinarians determined they had suffered crippling leg injuries owing to their advanced age. Unfortunately, the Pony Friendship Express Train had to make a stop at the glue factory. To keep the franchise alive, Hasbro is introducing a male pony to the all-female pony lineup called Stud Muffin, who is designed to ensure future generations of the four-legged icons. Read more...

Someone asked me what I thought of Santorum. I replied, “Well, if you need help, they can provide good treatment for mental conditions.” "Oh, no. He's a presidential candidate." "I'd say that's a pretty serious mental condition. But it's very curable."

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