The venerable doll, Barbie, has turned 55. To commemorate, Mattel has issued a special edition with varicose veins and support hose. In the new Barbie Playland, she's hired a private investor to track the philandering Ken, who has been seen at a motel with a much younger doll. Ken gets a surprise prostate exam form his outraged girlfriend.... You know you're getting old when you see the seats reserved for the old and infirm on trains and your picture is posted above them. ... Alzheimers is now the third greatest killer of Americans. I forget what the top two are.

There's a new Russian topping for pasta called Vladimir Putinesca sauce. It makes you power hungry and capable of producing only a thin, forced smile. ... It was easy to tell that Russian president Vladimir Putin was ecstatic when a 17-year old became the first Russian female to win a gold medal in Olympic figure skating. His smile broadened by a full quarter inch. ... I'm sure Putin is out to embarrass the West by the harassment of the most famous Russian rock band. His actions ensure that Western media continue to have to use the words Pussy Riot in headlines.

An eye infection has kept television commentator Bob Costas off the air for several days during the Olympic broadcast. But he looks like a sure bet to play the Eye of Sauron if there's a "Lord of the Rings" sequel. Disease is always a popular topic. Just finished reading one of those Internet news items "Ten signs of heart disease that you'll be convinced you have after reading this article." ... The Olympics at Sochi have been enchanting. During the opening ceremony I was watching the parade of nations and noting those traditional winter powerhouses: Bermuda, Cayman Islands, Dominica, British Virgin Islands, Malta, Hong Kong, Tonga, and Jamaica.

The commencement of the trial of former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin on charges that he took bribes and kickbacks reminds us that corruption is Louisiana's favorite indoor past-time. ... The recent outbreak of the nano-virus sickened 600 travelers on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship and made the term "poop deck" became too literal. Apparently, a second vessel has been hit with the outbreak of a highly contagious virus.