What does that thing do? It just goes round and around and, what the?  Fire—hey that stuff’s dangerous. I wouldn’t want to play with it.  And have you ever been able to finish one of these mastodons.? You get mastodon steak, then mastodon burgers, then mastodon meat loaf, then mastodon hash and there’s still enough left over to choke a saber tooth cat. Speaking of those cats; You know what I told the last feline when I ran off? ‘Fangs for the memories.’ I’ll be here all week. … IKEA is going to market its own credit card. But you have to assembled it yourself. … The royal wedding drew a lot of attention. I imagine people who went to the registry were overwhelmed with choices: “Darn, the castle is gone. Honey, what do you think we should get the island, diamond tiara or the gilded four-horse carriage.” A friend asked why the train for Meghan Markle was so long. “Maybe she has a really big butt?” I replied. … Former NFL quarterback Peyton Manning keynoted a session at Epicor Software’s Insights this week. He showed resellers how to improve their passing percentage. I thought people around were being too sensitive when I yelled repeatedly “We want Eli.”