…The annual Middle Earth Bowl to benefit homeless hobbits went awry in the fourth quarter when members of the Orc team began eating their competitors. ... News from the North Pole: Most inhabitants of the Island of Misfit toys were inadvertently collected by municipal trash haulers. A few were rescued before being compacted, but most have been buried in the North Pole landfill with a plaque commemorating their end. … After his famous nude party scene, Britain’s Prince Harry is flying Apache helicopters in Afghanistan. One mark of his troubles was he tried flying them in Las Vegas in the nude, but was warned to be careful; those moving rotors can do a lot of damage. And he learned just because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, that doesn't mean it won’t make the national news. … Doctors around country are reporting many lingering cases of Olympics Withdrawal Symptoms. Victims stare at their televisions at night and periodically erupt with meaningless chants of “U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A” and sing the national anthem while having three flags raised. … The automobile industry has scrapped plans for a new coal and atomic-fuel powered car. It had incredible mileage but you had to wear an oxygen mask and a lead apron to drive it. … Political fact check: most political fact checks are pointless.