... As part of Goldman Sachs $500 million settlement with the SEC, the firm has agreement to change is corporate motto to “We made money the old-fashioned way. We stole it.” ... I think the local restaurant gets the wrong idea sometimes. I ordered the early bird special and was given a plate full of worms. I asked for garlic bread on the side. But I did get upset when I had to pick straw out of my shepherd’s pie. ... With all the oil in the Gulf of Mexico, meteorologists have been forced to adopt new metrics for hurricanes. Besides measuring them as categories 1 through 5, the scientists will now also assess them as 30W, 40W, etc. ... The fact that kangaroo meat is very lean has led agricultural scientists to attempt to breed cows with kangaroos. However, the experiments had to be ended when he cows' pouches kept filling with methane and they floated away. ...  One guys says to another that "I'm going to return this return liver to the deli. It's no good." "Come on, they won't take meat back." "Of course they will." "How can you be sure?" "I know that my liver redeemeth" [For all you Handel fans] ... My daughter has an interesting approach to savings. "I need $5 for gas." "Don't you have money in your checking?" "No." "How about savings?" "I've got $200?" "Maybe you shouldn't have spent so much on gifts for your friends." "I needed to buy them things." "Then when don't you use your savings?" "I'm trying to save money."