Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 23 seconds
RANDOM THOUGHTS: MISUNDERSTOOD
Misunderstood the guy who was complaining about the vuvuzelas at the World Cup. "Vuvuzela?" I said. "Didn't he pitch for the Dodgers?" Actually the state of Utah has added an option to hanging and firing squad for execution, death by vuvuzela. The annoying horns have set back the soccer in the United States by two years.
However, some solutions are being proposed to heighten interest in this country. This includes requiring scantily clad cheerleaders at all games. And besides the injury time, which is added to playing time at the end of halves, the audience members can take breaks while the players keep playing. This would result in regularly scheduled beer time added to each period. To interest baseball fans, major leaguers are being hired to teach soccer players how to stand around and scratch themselves. After its team’s loss to Switzerland, Spain has temporarily resurrected the Spanish inquisition which will have Inquisitors stationed near the team bench in case they lose another again. You didn’t expect that? Of course not. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. …I’m trying to finish Rosetta Stone Level 3 Dutch. I can now say “This snake is safe to touch” and “This snake is dangerous to touch.” I was really surprised to see from the pictures that Holland has such a cobra problem. And if asked, I can ask for my choice of a monkey wrench, screw driver and pliers in Dutch. I’m all set. … There have been serious objections to the 10 percent excise tax on tanning services that goes into effect July 1. Eternally bronze actor George Hamilton has threatened to tan himself to death if the tax stands.
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