IN THE NEXT MOVIE in the highly successful series, “Harry Potter and the Senile Professor,” the friends realize Dumbledore has become addled when he turns Hogwarts into an ant farm and the Ministry of Magic has to hire a consultant to restore it. … I finally got the hieroglyphs translated on the ash tray we bought my daughter in Egypt last year. One says, “Made in China.” … I love the decision to allow Michael Vick back in football. Can you imagine your job interview going like this? "I see here you spent time in prison for gambling and promoting dog fighting?" "Yes, but I really love animals. And I've shown an ability to run a business." I think he should be allowed to play, but he has to score a touchdown carrying a football-shaped piece of steak past 11 Rottweilers. … With several New Jersey public officials and area rabbis having been indicted this summer, I’ve decided we need a slogan for our state’s favorite sport, corruption. What would be better than, “New Jersey, When we do things wrong, we do it right.” Or, “When a priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar and are indicted, you know you’re in New Jersey!.”... The University of Louisville is considering a new program as an adjunct to its basketball program, the "Rick Pitino Home for Unwed Mothers."