Last week there was a bomb scare at the Gold Star Chili in Versailles, Ind., my neck of the woods. I figured the scare was the aftermath of somebody eating too much chili. It reminded me that at that town's fall festival, the Pumpkin Show, I heard the following over the PA system. "All girls who want to win a three-way, report to the grandstand." If you don't know chili, that's rather jarring. Wonder how many people actually wanted a bowl of the restaurant's finest?

News reports this week say two men who could not swim were hospitalized after jumping into the canal at "The Venetian" resort in Las Vegas, Nev. That immediately had sports books posting odds for the "Sink or Swim" competition. Naturally, most bets are on the under so over odds tend to be quite large. ... An Oregon couple provided a marijuana bar at their recently wedding where they promised to love each other for richer or poorer, for better or worse and for, uh something that sounds like a cake singing, I don't know.

A friend of mine was not doing so well in rehab. "But I thought he went to the Ford clinic," another acquaintance asked. "Yeah, but it was not the Betty Ford Clinic; it's the Rob Ford Clinic." "Rob Ford, the former Toronto mayor?" "It's a mixed bag. You don't get better, but you have a lot more fun." ... GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump was photographed on the campaign trail holding a bald eagle. Trump promised to cure baldness in all eagles with a new line of comb overs. "A toupee on every bird; a chicken in every pot, and an illegal Mexican in every car heading south," the Donald said.