My knees are heading into the final sunset and I am looking for new ones. I found one facility that seemed affordable. But my wife was suspicious of the place—Fred's Knee Replacement and Oil Change Centers. Fred's advertising slogan is "We fill your every Kneed."

There was to be high-level food at the conference I was to attend. "How do you feel about foie gras and caviar? Do they have pigs in a blanket?" I replied. "Are we going to Dennys?" .... What happens in Las Vegas stays there burned to a crisp at 117 degrees.

The fiftieth anniversary of the release of "The Beatles" groundbreaking album, Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band" is being updated with the release of Sergeant Pepper's Assisted Living Band". It features remakes the album's songs including "I wish I was 64 again", "I'm Fixing a Hole and I Can't Get Up" and "Lovely Rita, Crossing Guard."