I figured out how the dispute between GOP presidential contenders Donald Trump and Ted Cruz got started. Cruz was trying to tell an old joke with Trump in earshot. "Take my wife, please," the Ted cracked. "It looks like a few people already did," the Donald enjoined. Cruz then retorted that Trump's hair makes it look like his mother mated with a chia-pet.

Reading the debate over Kim Kardashian and another actress tweeting a topless picture of themselves, I have to give Kim credit for knowing how to stay in the public eye and make it seem like something special at a time when it's pretty easy to find pictures of naked people on the web. ... I understand that the next Republican presidential debate will include a pie-throwing session.

I can finally say I’m hip. I had a dish with quinoa in it last week. Now, if I were just to start watching Downton Abbey. ... Was on the river bank yesterday and four buzzards appeared and were flying low at various spots. One came straight overhead and then didn't make such a pass again. I think they were checking me out. "I don't think he's quite ready, Fred.