"Crabs," I replied. "Oh they're irritating," he replied. "But I don’t think they are that bad." … Another friend apparently thought that if Dr. Phil saw his shadow on Groundhog's Day we would have six more weeks of winter. "No, that's six more weeks of dysfunctional guests … well, it will go on longer than six weeks. But we were hoping." ... The neighborhood kids were so disappointed when McDonald's announced it was removing "pink slime" from its hamburgers. "Yes, but the green slime is staying," I said. "And the Hamburglar is being replaced by the Slime Monster. ... And then there's the new combination meal from KFC called "Heart Attack in a Bowl:. … I always that that Voldemort, the evil wizard of the Harry Potter series, must have had a tough time recruiting. After putting up the "Voldemort Wants You" posters, he had to do some selling to the wizards he was trying to enlist. "Let's see, I can turn water into beer. I can create riches and have all the women I want with my spells. Why should I join you?" "Oh, you get to be evil and fight with the muggles and other wizards." "That sounds like too much stress." "And then you can help take over the Ministry of Magic." "So you want me to be a bureaucrat? No thanks."