I was thinking of going back to school to work on my groundbreaking thesis “Bewitched: Contrasting the world view of the two Darrins.” It explores the deep philosophical differences of two different actors, Dick York and Dick Sargent, married to the same witch. …  Despite all the filters, I keep getting these offers in my email. One promises, “Keep your wife happy tonight.” I was thinking, “What, they’ll provide someone to do the dishes?” … News organizations are carrying news about a shortage of Velveeta shortage. The lack of a key ingredient for dip for nachos could potentially derail Super Bowl festivities across the country. By the way, Velveeta is officially a “Pasteurized Recipe Cheese Product". I learned that in the Rosetta Stone “Language of Cheese” Volume I.  It takes skill to navigate through a supermarket with terms like cheese, cheese food, processed cheese and food-like cheese and finally, slightly yellow saw dust with milk. … The nice thing about the spread of cell phone headsets is it helps those of us who talk to ourselves a lot to blend in better. … Glad to see the economy is improving. Last year, it was so bad members of the Publishers Clearing House Prize patrol asked if I could spot them some money. … New Jersey Governor Chris Christie says he was embarrassed and humiliated to discover aides had lied to him about their role in creating a traffic mess in Fort Lee as political punishment for the city’s mayor.  Embarrassed and Humiliated? I thought that was our state’s motto.  …  Life is like a box of chocolates; if you leave it out in the hot sun too long, it melts into an unrecognizable mess.

Mary had a little lamb. Its fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, mint jelly was sure to go. It followed her to school one day and steak knives were generously provided to all the children. ... The year started off on a realistic note - I saw Alex Trebek trying to sell final expenses insurance to the New Year's baby of 2014. "It goes by quicker than you think."

Former Illinois Governor Rod Blogoyevich has filed what is viewed as a last-ditch appeal of his prison term for corruption. Even more galling to Blago than the 14-year sentence is that he has been forced to endure a number of bad-hair days. ... The news that the formerly powerful uncle of North Korea's president Kim Jong-un has been executed shook up some people. And you thought your family reunions were testy. Well, I bet his family won't be sending Christmas cards to the president. Apparently, the president felt insulted when his late uncle referred to him as "Lil' Kim". ... Was looking at outdoor Christmas displays at Home Depot. There's a two-to-three foot-tall figure of Yoda, fixed up with bulbs and a light saber, for sale.