The xero and five Giants football team has been officially declared a disaster area. New Yorkers are demanding the team, which has played in the Meadowlands in New jersey for decades, be named the Jersey Giants. There have been alternate suggestions that authorities mount another search for the body of former teamster leader, Jimmy Hoffa, in the playing field and bury the team while the ground is open.

Michael Douglas and wife, Katherine Zeta Jones, who appeared headed for divorce, have apparently decided to salvage their marriage. I guess she had second thoughts after he scolded her and gave her a tongue lashing. Or something like that. ... I had this vision that after Douglas revealed the origin of his throat cancer that a movie was made about his life. But instead of recovering, the character in the movie dies.

Microsoft founder and chairman Bill Gates this week revealed the famous, and despised, keyboard combo - control, alt, delete - was a mistake.  Apparently, some developers were playing twister after hours and it was mistakenly coded into the software. We assume he is working on a statement about the Surface tablet. ... Movie star Amanda Bynes hopes to quickly resolve a case in which she was accused of throwing a bong out of a New York window.