Twinkies are returning to the market next week. Our long nightmare is almost over. … Archaeologists say they have discovered some of the world's oldest known primitive writing. I guess they stumbled across some of my old notebooks. … On the Dr. Oz show this week there was a demonstration of a a new smart fork that helps eat people less. “It periodically calls out “Hey, fat ass. You’re eating too much.”

Emma Watson, Hermione from the “Harry Potter” movies is going back to college. It’s a good idea. Somebody like her just can’t make a good living without that degree. Of course, in college her social life could be stifled by dates who fear that if they misbehave she will turn them into frogs. ... The Audubon Society is considering adding drone watching to its activities. Members will be encourage to classify drones by color, country of origin and cruising altitude. “Oh, I just love it when the drones come back to Capistrano every year.”