The most common complaint Oedipus heard from his siblings while he was growing up? “Mom always liked you best.” But then Oeddy never listed to his mother. She kept telling him, "Be careful running with that stick or you'll put your eye out." The big problem at the King's house when he grew older was the name of his dog. People would call, "Here, Rex, here boy" and he would come running. His courtiers were always disappointed when the king refused to play fetch.

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Rick Santorum will ask to have stoning as the punishment for witchcraft and adultery. He is also proposing to make French Toast illegal. "We should be proud to eat only good American toast," he said. His proposal to eliminate you-know-what on the Internet (being careful of the spam filters here) is drawing nationwide protests from that such a move would cause ecommerce to collapse

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There’s a new dance out called the Limbaugh. It’s like the limbo. And while there’s no bar, the phrase “How low can you go?” fits perfectly. I completely understand Limbaugh's being perplexed at someone wanting aid in buying birth control pills. He just cannot fathom anyone having trouble getting prescription drugs. … I have empathy for the organic food movement and we buy some things organic. On the other hand, growing up on a farm, I’ve always understood that manure is also organic. Read more...

After I tripped and was lying on the ground, a passerby said, “Do you need help?” “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” I replied. “Actually I could. I just don’t want to. I think I’ll lie here for a few hours.” ... The worst idea by an inventor? A defibrillator that is operated via the clapper. "Clap off ... Oh, I'm so sorry." Read more...