"You're like the Nile used to be." the optometrist said this week. "You mean that I'm a mighty, untamed river?" "No you have cataracts." ... During a recent physical, my doctor looked at me and said, "Well that's a good sign." "You mean I have a healthy appearance?" "No, I mean you're still breathing." ... Brazil appears to be the odds on favorite to win a gold medal in the 1,000-meter corruption competition for its Olympics preparation.