The 2010 census will include a new question: “Did you have an affair with Tiger Woods?” A heavy response is expected. Meanwhile, Tiger is coming out with a new set of golf clubs that can function as a jaws of life for freeing your spouse from a damaged car. They can also be launched from catapults for maximum range.

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Thanksgiving reminded me again that it's the little things I am most thankful for; the family, good food, the two cops who didn't arrest my daughter for underage drinking when they had a chance. Of course, it was only last year she asked me, “Dad, have you ever been arrested?” I replied, “No, but I’d put that in the category of minor miracle.” ...

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The response from an automated attendant for Verizon, while trying to solve a problem with an account logon. "You said: I can't log on to the Verizon residential account Ask Verizon: Please Sign In to your Verizon account on the page I have opened for you."