Police in Atlanta have brought loitering charges against a man accused of singing poll wolly doodle all day. In a related story, a man in Baltimore doing the hokey pokey was accused of indecent behavior for putting the wrong thing in and shaking it all about. He is being held for observation ... Apparently some editors are growing as tired of those "Ten Things" or whatever number of lists on online services. Saw one this week for "Ten things you could be doing instead of reading this list of 10 things that you could be doing."

With its frequent need to address problems with its automobiles, General Motors is planning an automatic homing device that brings cars in for recalls. It's called the "Lassie" feature and can find a dealership from hundreds of miles away. ... A sewage treatment plant near Seattle is advertising its availability as a wedding venue. I think I had my first marriage at a sewage plant—oh sorry, that's just how I think of it sometimes.

Action star Steven Segal has reportedly been selected by Vladimir Putin to help get Russia in shape. Segal is being asked to develop a countrywide exercise regimen and single-handedly lead the next invasion. ... The DNA-testing web site, 23andMe, regularly features surveys that its members can participate in about health. A recent one asked if I had ever been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. I replied, "I don't know and I don't care." Actually, I suffer from Hamburger's syndrome and occasionally have an irresistible urge to be covered in onion, lettuce and tomato.