Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 5 seconds


After I tripped and was lying on the ground, a passerby said, “Do you need help?” “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” I replied. “Actually I could. I just don’t want to. I think I’ll lie here for a few hours.” ... The worst idea by an inventor? A defibrillator that is operated via the clapper. "Clap off ... Oh, I'm so sorry."
... A new gun by a Japanese inventory is designed to silence speakers by generating a delayed sound wave of their comments that is designed to confuse them. It is expected to have a large market among the denizens of office cubicles and on dates. … A new Disney ship has been christened. Unfortunately, mirroring recent problems with ships of the Costa line, one ship stalled out. Anguished travelers threw themselves overboard in droves when the Small World exhibit malfunctioned and the ship sound system subjected them to an unending chorus of “It’s a small world after all." … My computer seemed to be giving me a message when I typed in Norton flashed “This is an untrusted connection.” And then I realized that it does this with all sorts of legitimate web sites.  ... Reviews for the new reality show "America's Most Boring People" indicate it will probably not be renewed.
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