Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 50 seconds


During the safety drill on our ship on the Danube this week, one of the officers asked, “Are there any question?” “Yes,” I said. “Is there wi-fi on the lifeboats?”

… We were at a wine tasting in Eastern Croatia today. After the server filled my glass, the server looked at me. “Is there something you need?” “I can’t drink it this way. Where’s the paper bag?” I replied. When someone said the wine prices in the country are low, I asked, “I bet Thunderbird is dirt cheap”. … We visited Vukovar, which was substnatially destroyed in the civil war in the Balkans. Looking at the bullet pockmarks in one house I told my wife, “Boy when the old guy next door yelled ‘You kids, keep off my lawn’,  you had to listen. ...On a long trip, there are times many of us start to feel a bit homesick. I decided the way to make the ship feel more like home was to find someone with opposite political views so the two of us can call each other names. ... Some fans are upset that the studios didn’t have actress Natalie Portman wear an adult diaper when in the movie “Lucie in the Sky”, she portrayed astronaut Lisa Nowak, who drove 900 miles to confront her boyfriend and his new girlfriend. Nowak’s lawyers contended the oft repeated story about the diapers. I bet the studio sacrificed a lot of money it could have received by signing Depends as a sponsor. President Trump is going crazy trying to identify the whistleblower in the White House. He is telling aides to put recording devices everywhere to find it, because he just can’t hear that whistle. … We were told we were having an Elvis impersonator on the ship one night. “What’s the Elvis impersonator do?” the person next to me said. “He gets fat and dies,” I replied. …. The town of Ilok, where the winery was located has a church dedicated to John of C.....apistrano, a fifteenth-century priest who also fought the Ottoman Turks. It is assumed the location was chosen because of the annual migration of swallows in the spring. … 

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